His body was heavy on top of mine. Wasn't this what I wanted? He was popular, athletic, tall and handsome. I was telling myself to just RELAX already! My body was tense, my heart was racing. NO! I was shouting on the inside.
I pushed on his chest, nothing, I pushed again, he resisted. He was strong...for the first time in my life I felt powerless. My heart in my throat. I don't know if I am strong enough to budge him...SHIT...this can't be happening...I won't let it. Breathe...just breathe, use your VOICE...use your STRENGTH!
"I can't! " I say...nothing...."I CAN'T" I yell again, using all my strength to push him. He leans back for a moment and looks at me as if for the first time...."what?" he says.
That moment was my chance, I used my legs my arms, and body to push him off. " I can't, I'm sorry" I cry. Bolting from the room, down the stairs and out the door. A cold shot of fall air hits my face. My heart still racing I run..as fast as I can, tears streaming down my face, down the main street of Plymouth. Up the long hill, across campus, until I can't run anymore. Shaking, breathless, scared.
I stop. How could I have been so stupid. How could I have been so naive, so trusting, so ignorant...I should have known, I should have known...I should have...
I look up to the night sky, and thank god for giving me the strength to hear my own words. To understand the voice inside me that told me what I wanted, or in this case what I didn't want.
Our experiences teach us lessons. Sometimes we need them taught to us more than just once. Other times, once does the trick...