Excitement is brewing, the end is near. I am looking forward to the stop sign that I see in the distance. It signifies a pause, a required halt in forward progress. I know that if I turn back, I will see a winding road, and I will smile. A true New England back road full of twists and turns, ups and downs....pot holes, frost heaves, meandering rivers, glorious mountains and stunning lakes...sunrises and sunsets along the way.
As this road I am on draws closer to the stop sign in front of me, I am humbled and grateful. I am in awe of this glorious road I have had the opportunity to follow. Then...all of a sudden, as if a giant thunderstorm has come over the horizon I am frozen in horrification(NOTE: the definition of this word: The state of being completely horrified)
I try to breathe..and contemplate the roads before me, ready to put my foot on the gas. I cannot do it I think. What am I thinking??? Then, within a brief moment of that excitement in my heart, I begin my acceleration, I realize I have a constant tail wind which provides momentum and confidence (love of my family and friends). I have a full tank of gas (food, clothing and shelter) I have a mode of transportation (knowledge, experience, education and support).
Why then do I want to jam on the brakes? Why am I terrified?
HMMM...lets see? I have to rely on myself? What if I fail? What if I can't make enough money? what if I get hurt or sick? What if I don't know what to do? which way to turn?
Lets just take a deep breath, and step on the gas and go, It is too late to turn around now. "Trust in yourself Annie, trust in God, you can do this". I say to myself. I Know that if I take the wrong road, I will just turn around. I am going to follow and embrace the EXCITEMENT emotion, and let go of the Horrification one.
I realize then that these colliding emotions are not foreign to me. They happen daily in my life...with food, exercise and body image...eat more/eat less, exercise more/exercise less, my thighs are fat, my thighs are strong.... and I have learned to navigate these emotions better as the years have gone by. Finding the good in the bad, the happy in the sad, the excitement in the fear.
Trusting in ourselves, knowing that we are capable. We are strong. Take the road, and follow it. Knowing all along that you will gain experiences and knowledge along the way. Always knowing that there are many different roads to try. All we have to do is have the courage to put the foot on the gas.