Friday, November 6, 2015

Perfectly Imperfect

I am lying in bed trying to sleep, I hear the faucet dripping...perfectly rhythmical.  I should get up and turn it off, I think. Then I let the thought pass over me, like a cloud.  The sound is soothing and calming...I drift back to sleep.

I have found myself letting my thoughts drift over me more and more.  Finally understanding that my thought is not me, I have detached.  I have the power to let it go, hurry it along if I need to. 

Stress has been pushing at me over the last few months, it is a season in my life where there is a lot to do, and a lot to be done.  When this season appears I find myself reverting back to my own 4 basic needs...not the ones we all think about: food, water, air and shelter, but my own personal ones: Exercise, Chocolate Chip Cookies, Wine and Diet Coke.

Here is a look at my first "thought"

Wow, that is really bad, I can't believe that you are eating cookies for breakfast.  How can you talk about health and eat like that...Your really bad...

I let the thought pass over me, this thought does not define me.

It is like when you really want a bag of chips.  You say to yourself(your thought) "You can't have chips, they are bad for you, they have too many calories, they will make you fat"  You listen...you go to the refrigerator and eat some carrot sticks, then some yogurt, then a piece of cheese, then an apple.   None of these things satisfy the initial craving....SO...You end up with the chips anyway.  Why not listen in the first place to our need?

I have come to realize that my 4 basic needs are far from perfect.  I do not live on only them, yet they have all been a comfort to me at some time in my life, I felt that needed them.  It was what calmed me.  My stress leads me back to these basic needs of mine.  I am not perfect.

NOW...I can realize and understand that I am ok.  I am perfectly imperfect.  Finding some calm and peace in times of stress can be like the dripping faucet.  Over the long term we would need to either have the faucet fixed, or be more aware of it and turn it off.

When I am stressed, I need to be more aware of what is happening to me, more aware of how I eat, how I move, how I act and how I rest.  I also need to reach out for help.  As the faucet needs a plumber, I may need a friend, a coach, a therapist, a family member or a doctor.  I may need a journal, my crayons, my music, a walk in nature or some silence.

And yes, sometimes I need an hour in the gym, a glass of wine a diet coke or a couple cookies and that can be just perfect.  

Letting go of my own judgements, finding peace and balance in being perfectly imperfect...